Wake Up Call

I've struggled with my weight my entire adult life. Shoot, you might even say my whole life. Looking back I always felt like I was the bigger kid. In high school, I know I had some kind of eating disorder. I wouldn't eat breakfast, would have a diet coke for lunch and would eat whatever the family had for dinner. I managed to stay thin, even underweight for my height, but I wasn't healthy.

My whole life I've had some man in my life telling me I wasn't good enough... pretty enough... thin enough...

"Don't eat that, you'll end up fat like your mother!"

"Do you want to be UGLY for the rest of your life?!"

"Just look at you, how do you think I could be attracted to you?"

"When did you get so fat?"

To my best friend from my boyfriend:
"You need to take her to the gym with you, she's getting a little thick."

All of these comments were either said when I was a child or when I was 115 - 145 pounds! At 5'6 that's a BMI range of 18.6 - 23.4. (Normal weight = 18.5-24.9)

Never once was I able to enjoy my body. The last two comments were the most catastrophic to my self esteem. I immediately started gaining weight. Once I started gaining weight, it was hard to get it under control again. I lose and gain and lose and gain the same 20 pounds over and over again.

Once my daughter was born, I forgot how to focus on my needs and health. Here we are 3 years later and I'm a mess. I weigh the same as I did when I was pregnant with her. I'm unhealthy, unhappy and feeling like I've been beaten. I know everything I need to do to get my weight under control. It's really simple.... burn more calories than I eat. I know I know I know. Just do it already!

Well, last night I got a bit of a wake up call. I had some blood work done yesterday and discovered that I'm on my way to Type 2 diabetes. If I don't start eating better and working out... I am sentencing myself to a shortened unhealthy miserable life! My body doesn't process glucose like a normal healthy body does. Now I need to figure out how I'm going to tackle this... because I refuse to live like this anymore! I got the call..... and I'M AWAKE!